Ramadhan~

Alhamdulillah, Ramadan is here again. 

Alhamdulillah, I've recovered from my sadness and it has been 45 days since baby left us. 

 

I have been watching my diet so not to burden my health in the future. Alhamdulillah, now I weigh 75.5kg!!! 

It's an achievement for me!! Yeay!! trying very hard to get down to 73 by end of Ramadhan, so that I'll be healthier than before. Plus, my miss P had visited me last week which makes me happy because am hoping for my cycle to be regular again. There's always a hikmah behind everything that happened. May Allah ease our journey and grant us with better rezk in the future. 

What's your good news? 

I have been receiving  good news from my friends and colleagues :) 

It's Ramadhan kareem, let us multiply our ibadah, insya allah~ 

It's a missed miscarriage~

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.
After nearly three weeks it happened, only now I could bring myself to write about it.
Let me continue from my last entry. We went to see Dr Rosy on Friday (23rd of May 2014) after Jumaah prayer. We were prepared with whatever news doctor gave us. And, after the ultrasound, it is confirmed that our baby is not breathing, his heart stopped beating at 8 weeks 6days, meaning, his heart stopped beating after 4 days we heard it loud and clear. Doc Rosy gave me two options, whether to carry out D&C (EPROC) or to take tablets and wait for the baby to come out on its own.

I googled about DnC and most people did that which I do not prefer. I prefer natural discharge so we opted for tablets. Doc wanted me to take the tablets starting on Friday 6pm - yet my husband is leaving to Kuantan (He went offshore T_T) on Sunday, so I started the tablet on Sunday 12pm. The name of the pill given is

I need to eat this pill every 6hours. On Sunday at 12pm I started taking the pill, and the pain and stomach cramp started at 2pm. After eating, the whole drama started : I was sweating (cold sweat), stomach cramp as I would feel if my period didn't come for 2 or 3 months, and I didnt  know what to do. I just laid down covered by my duvet and held on for quite some time. Once I started to feel the blood coming out... then everything was fine. [I was imagining the pain to be unbearable as people told me, but it was not like that]. The pain is just like period pain. On Sunday night, blood clot started to come out, then on Tuesday the whole thing came out. I felt something came out while I was about to have lunch.... and something did come out. I put the whole thing in a plastic bag and luckily I made an appointment with Doc Rosy that afternoon. After ultrasound, Doc Rosy told me that everything was okay :) My baby had come out :( completely so that I do not have to do DnC. I was sooooooo relieved. The nurses who wait at the counter were puzzled to see me on Tuesday as I came on Friday. When I told them, they gave me comforting words which motivates me. Doc gave me antibiotic that I need to finish in 5 days, and I'm on folic acid for 3 months. Hopefully Allah grants us with better rizk. Allah knows whats best, hoping for healthier child in my next pregnancy. Dealing with this whole rollercoaster emotion is hard without him around, communication is limited. But Alhamdulillah with the support from my family, my in laws and of course my husband, insya allah we survived.
Allah knows whats best :)

hopefully whoever reads this entry will get useful info as I did when I googled information regarding this. Am working already but still needs to take care of my health and myself.

I will continue my entry later, for now.... Bismillahi tawakkal tu'alallah~

Mama Papa love u baby~ (My dad buried my baby at the front of our house)

Redha~

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim~

With little strength left in me, I am writing this while holding my tears.

Am sitting here at my table, on a sunny day... I am holding on to a very thin strength that is left.

After that good news we received weeks ago, we received yet a devastating news.

On our 10th week appointment with Dr Rosy, she could detected the baby's heartbeat even though we could hear it loud and clear last two weeks. Dr Rosy showed a worried face and gave us two options :

1. wait for two weeks and let the baby comes out on its own
2. doc will give tablet

And we couldn't believe our eyes, that we couldnt see the heartbeat. Seeing both of us were numb, doc said we'll take option no. 1. Subhanallah~ A test that we have to face at the beginning of this beautiful journey.

Back from the appointment, on Sunday night, I cried in Solah, my tears ran down my cheeks while reading Quran... trying to accept the fate. Yet, I wasn't ready to give up. I opened my Quran and shown two ayah....  regarding how prophet Zakaria was granted a child even though his wife is not fit to conceive, and how Allah gives Death to a soul and able to give it live again. Everything is possible in His Hands. Subhanallah.... I gained my confident and stayed positive until last Monday. For the whole week we've been trying to see Dr Norida for second opinion but the clinic was closed until last Monday. We went to see Dr Norida and she did an ultrasound, and .......................... she couldn't find the heartbeat, the blood flow and the size of the baby is only 8week while I am already in my 11th week. Subhanallah...... couldnt say anything... but Dr Norida did motivate us by saying that, looking at the positive side, at least we know we could conceive, I could conceive.

Went back heavy heartedly, we laid down and discuss. At least, I don't have to carry my baby for the whole 9 months then gave birth after an hour it is pronounced dead (this is what happened to my youngest brother. He lived for only an hour in this world). Dr Norida also told us that if the growth stopped at 8th week, that means its nature selection. Maybe there's a chromosome disorder...who knows. Only Allah knows what's best for us. Now, back on my feet. The whole week not feeling anything, no pain, no spotting, no bleeding. Allah knows what's best. Bismillahi tawakkal tu 'alallah....

Behind this, we know that there are a lot for us to improve. Despite our dream to build our little family, insya allah one day He will replace with something better. May Allah bless u baby, you have the chance to live for only 8 weeks in mummy's womb and we were excited to hear your heart beat, but He loves you more. Mama and papa love you soooo much.

p/s: My appointment with Dr Rosy is on Saturday, we'll see the options that we have.

Double Happiness

Alhamdulillah, my husband's bestfriend, the wife becomes my close friend too is pregnant too!!! Subhanallah, Allah is great. He does not want any of us to feel left out that He gives us this precious gift  at the very same time. May Allah care for us and grant us with healthy and beautiful kids.

It's a joy yesterday to know about it, as we were on our way to the hospital. Alhamdulillah, our baby is growing. From 0.6mm to 0.93mm and its already 4 weeks and 5 days. And Alhamdulillah too, the Cyst that Doctor Norida mentioned is an egg shell.It means that the left egg is compounded. Alhamdulillah, Subhanallah. We have appointment with Dr Rosy in 2 weeks time to see whether our baby has a heartbeat. Bismillahitawakkal tu'alallah~ May Allah ease our journey and bless us with this precious gift.

p/s: Back to my friend, we hope that we are going to deliver at the same time :)

Alhamdulillah~

That's all I can say. Alhamdulillah.... All the effort has paid off. Alhamdulillah, this morning my hubby asked me to try the UPT since it is already 6 days overdue from my period. I entered the bathroom heavy-heartedly and followed the instruction. Once the test kit is wet and showed sign that its working, I put it away as not to look at it (afraid if its negative). I washed my hands and looked at the test kit... one line... (OKAAAAAAY) suddenly another thin pink line appeared. (OOOOOOKKKKKKAAAAAAAY) I couldnt believe my eyes so I went to my husband who's still in bed (it's 5.20am, mind you) And the 2nd line gets equally clear as the first line. Subhanallah, Allah the Almighty...He has granted our prayers and the prayers of our loved ones for us. Alhamdulillah, the only word I could utter.

In the morning I went to see the Doctor and yes it's positive. Its there. Subhanallah, may Allah have mercy on us throughout our pregnancy journey. Bismillahi tawakkal tu 'alallah~

Lose that fat ..... yeah!!!

Alhamdulillah~

I've stepped on the weighing scale and it went back to 77.3

Yukatta neh!!! 

May Allah ease our journey 

PRAY FOR MH370 

Its nearing the mid semester break soon!!! Only 3 days away....yeay!! 

Stay Positive!!!

10th March 2014
Alhamdulillah,  I went for an appointment with Dr Rosy at KPJ Seremban and met my long lost friend who is now pregnant at 8 and a half month, it's her second daughter. The first daughter is 1 year old. Alhamdulillah, trying not to be envy of her because I know that Allah haven't said 'kun fayakun' yet for me and hubby.

I waited for quite some time as I arrived in Seremban at 1.10 pm and ate at Makwa's place :) yummmeeehhhhh. I arrived at KPJ at 1.35pm and straight away perform my Salah. The door opened at 2.00pm and I was no.5. I waited for quite some time as the doctor was busy with other patients. As my turn reached, Dr Rosy needed to go up to check on the delivery. Hopefully that lady is doing well.

When I entered Dr Rosy's room, she greeted me with smile as always. Hoping to hear something positive. My current weight is 77.5 which is pretty good .Dr said, "okay, baring...doktor nak scan"
"kita tengok ye, ni rahim..., rahim you kecik sebab you tak pernah guna, means you belum pernah pregnant"
"okay kita pergi sebelah kiri sikit, ooooh...oh, you ada telur kat sini, dah besar ni."
"okay kita tengok sebelah kanan pulak, eh, you ada telur jugak sebelah kanan ni"
"kita tgk balik sebelah kiri, eh, you ada dua ni kat sblh kiri"
"your body respond well to clomid, coz normally people akan produce satu telur, but you have three"

ALHAMDULILLAH.....

Firstly, doctor suggested to inject me so that the egg will ovulate in 36hours, but the risk is I might get a triplet or a quadraplet. Ngeeeeeee........................" But I think i will let you try on your own this time because this is your first time and I'm afraid if you can't handle them plus the risk of getting high blood pressure, diabetic and premature babies are high". So I decided to try on our own.

Hubby was over the moon hearing this, hopefully Allah said "kun fayakun" this time round.
Bismillahi tawakkal tu alallah. Hopefully we will receive positive news as hubby's birthday present. Amiiiiin.
Stay strong and Stay Positive people!!

*At the end of this, all I want to say to my kids is, I am too stubborn to give up on them :)